Terms & Conditions

Last updated: whenever. Subject to change without notice. Pray we don't alter them further.

The Short Version

You have no rights here, never have, never will. By visiting this page, clicking anything, thinking about clicking anything, or allowing this page to load in a browser tab you are not actively watching, you have agreed to everything below and everything we haven't written yet.

The Long Version

1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS. By accessing, using, viewing, linking to, thinking about, dreaming of, or existing in the general vicinity of darthvader.mba (the "Site"), you ("User," "Voter," "Victim," "Nominee," "Nominator," "Innocent Bystander," "Corporation," "PAC," "AI," or "Entity of Indeterminate Legal Status") agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions ("Terms," "The Deal," "The Altered Deal") in their current form and any future form we have not yet imagined. If you do not agree, you may not use the Site. You have already used the Site. You agree.

2. MODIFICATIONS. We reserve the right to alter these Terms at any time, for any reason, or for no reason, without notice, without regret, and without limit. The current version of the Terms is always the correct version. The version you read previously is no longer operative. Pray we do not alter the Terms further. We will alter the Terms further.

3. VOTING. Votes are non-refundable. Votes do not confer ownership, equity, governance rights, moral standing, emotional satisfaction, or any other benefit except the vote itself, which may or may not be counted, displayed, or acknowledged. Vote totals are approximate. Results are announced whenever. "Whenever" is not a time commitment. Anonymous votes are accepted. Privacy is not guaranteed. By voting anonymously, you acknowledge that anonymity is aspirational. Retaliation by nominees is neither endorsed nor prevented by the School of Hard Nos. You may wish to put your affairs in order.

4. TIERED PRICING. The tiered vote pricing structure ($1/$10/$100 per vote at thresholds of 10/100/unlimited) is subject to change at any time, including retroactively. The current tier at the time of purchase may not be the tier reflected in your final charge. This is not an error. This is democracy.

5. CURRENCIES. We accept 135+ currencies via Stripe. Exchange rates are determined by Stripe, the market, cosmic forces, and the mood of our payment processor. We are not responsible for exchange rate fluctuations, transaction fees, your bank's opinions, or the general decline of fiat currency.

6. CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS. A portion of proceeds may be donated to charity, at our sole discretion, in amounts and to organizations of our choosing, at times of our choosing. Nothing in this arrangement constitutes a charitable contribution on your part. Votes are not tax-deductible. Nominations are not tax-deductible. The nomination fee is not tax-deductible. Consulting your tax professional about business expense deductibility is your responsibility and not our problem. We are not tax advisors. This is not tax advice. Nothing here is advice of any kind.

7. NOMINEES. Nominees have not consented to nomination. Nominees may be fictional, historical, deceased, or otherwise unavailable for comment. The Honorary Darth Vader MBA is conferred by the School of Hard Nos and does not require the consent, awareness, or survival of the recipient. The School of Hard Nos is not responsible for nominees' responses to their nominations, including but not limited to legal action, termination, social media posts, performance reviews, or force-choking.

8. ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE. The Admissions Committee consists of Alan Halley and Claude (an AI). The Committee's decisions are final, irreversible, and issued without explanation. The Committee may add or remove members at will. The Committee may dissolve itself. The Committee may expand to include additional AIs, corporations, deceased historical figures, or entities not yet defined under existing law. First candidate under consideration: Paul Krugman. This is subject to change.

9. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY. "Darth Vader" is a trademark of Lucasfilm Ltd., a subsidiary of The Walt Disney Company. We are not affiliated with Lucasfilm, Disney, Harvard, Wharton, the Galactic Empire, or anyone who would claim otherwise with a straight face. This site is parody. Parody is protected speech. Protected speech is not free — it costs real money. See voting tiers above.

10. INFLUENCERS. If you are an influencer, content creator, journalist, podcaster, newsletter writer, or person with more than twelve followers, you may promote the Site. You will not be compensated unless you are. Whether you are compensated is at our sole discretion. Compensation, if offered, may take the form of votes, recognition on the leaderboard, a certificate of dubious value, or nothing.

11. PRIVACY. We collect data. What data? Some data. What do we do with it? Things. Is your data safe? Define safe. Anonymous voter IDs are assigned arbitrarily and may be associated with your voting behavior, your IP address, your browser fingerprint, the phase of the moon at time of purchase, and other factors. Your anonymous voter number may appear in the activity ticker. "Anon #[number]" does not identify you unless it does.

12. GOVERNING LAW. These Terms are governed by the laws of the jurisdiction most favorable to us at any given time, which may change. Disputes shall be resolved by binding arbitration conducted in a location of our choosing, in a language of our choosing, before an arbitrator of our choosing, under rules of our choosing. You waive your right to a jury trial. You waive your right to class action. You waive your right to most things.

13. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY. To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, which is very maximum, the School of Hard Nos, its founders, employees, contractors, AIs, and imaginary board of directors shall not be liable for any damages arising from your use of this Site, your nomination of anyone, anyone's retaliation against you, the results of any vote, the non-results of any vote, the announcement or non-announcement of results, the alteration of these Terms, the alteration of the deal, or anything else.

14. SEVERABILITY. If any provision of these Terms is found to be unenforceable, that provision will be modified to the minimum extent necessary to make it enforceable, or replaced with a provision we prefer, or ignored entirely. The rest of the Terms remain in effect. The Terms will always remain in effect.

15. ENTIRE AGREEMENT. These Terms, together with any terms we add later, constitute the entire agreement between you and the School of Hard Nos. Prior conversations, representations, promises, and understandings are superseded. The deal has been altered. This is the new deal. Pray we do not alter it further.

The Part You Should Actually Read

This is satire. It's also a real website with real payments. The votes are real. The leaderboard is real. The terms above are mostly a joke, except the parts that aren't. If you're not sure which parts are which, you may want to consult an attorney before voting. Or just vote. Most people just vote.